The Plumber's Pies

The plumber came back. This time, he brought pies.

This apartment is like a revolving door. Yesterday, the landlord walked in without calling and stayed the whole day. She had her hairdresser come to fix her extensions. She stayed for dinner too.

Today, the bell rang and there was the plumber, ready to paint the hall closet.

In one hand he had a bucket and mop and a bag with dust rags and in the other hand he had a bag of mince pies.

"I'm very angry with this batch because the dough is too heavy," he said, dropping the bucket on the floor. "You see, you've got to do it just right. Are your hands cold? You've always got to run them under cold water.

"First, blend the butter and flour together. I use a mixture of regular and self rising flour. Then, I beat my eggs separately. Don't be tempted to use large eggs. That was my problem. Add the eggs and sugar until the dough just holds together. Don't over mix or your dough will be too heavy. Refrigerate the dough for at least an hour, though a couple of hours will do nice. Then it goes hard, but don't worry bout 'at. You have to work it, but not too much."

He told me about his pie pans, the molds he uses for cutting, how he flutes the edges gently with his fingertips...it was pure cinema.

And the pies? Well, they were fantastic. I don't care for mincemeat, so I scooped that out, but the crust itself was rich and buttery without being too sweet. And though it was heavy, I liked it. I don't want my pies to be light and delicate. You can save that for puff pastry. I was very impressed.

"They tell me I got beer money and champagne tastes," he said, while washing out the cupboard.

I'd surely raise a glass to this guy.